Directions: rewrite your thesis and reasons and post them. You must have 3-4 reasons to support your thesis. The reasons should reflect the workshopped thesis. If you were not present for the workshop, then post the best version of your thesis and reasons that you have.
The format should look something like this:
Thesis: Gloria Anzaldua uses stories in "Beyond Traditional Notions of Identity" in order to persuade her audience. In places, however, the stories might confuse the audience.
Reason One: Anzaldua's stories allow her to emotionally connect with her audience.
Reason Two: Anzaldua's stories provide personal experience to show her audience that she has experience with the issues she discusses throughout her essay.
Reason Three: Anzaldua's stories, while useful pathos and ethos, are not presented in a logical manner.
Reason Four: Anzaldua's stories also seem to veer off topic in places.
For those who have their thesis workshop on June 30th, your blog is due before class on July 2nd; for those who have their thesis workshop on July 2nd, your blog is due before 5pm on Friday, July 4th.
Reply to Classmate: Offer a suggestion to a classmate on how to improve the reasons. For instance, one or more of the reasons might seem to have nothing to do with the thesis. If you are confused by the relevancy of one or more of the reasons, then ask questions in order to allow your classmate to invent his/her own solutions to the problem. Reply due 5pm on Sunday, July 6th.
Thesis: Due to weak ethos and flawed logic the text did not satisfactorily prove that we need to bridge identity classifications.
ReplyDeleteReason one: Her Ethos was partly based on editing a book on class barriers. Editing a book on class does not make a person an expert on class.
Reason two: She heavily used stories meant to imply expertise on the subject yet those stories were in no way stated to be personal experience.
reason three: Anzuldua is a woman of color, just because she is a woman of color doesnt mean that she is an expert on identity classifications.
Reason four: We all struggle with class and race distinctions anyways. I dont struggle with class or race distinctions therefore we dont all struggle with this.
Reason five: "Policies of exclusion diminish humaness" Humanity is a very broad and vague classification. Especially when used here it is unclear what exactly her definition of humanity is therefore it is also unclear how policies of exclusion affect humanity in any way.
Reason six: one of her conclusions is that we therefore need to move beyond seperation of classes. This conclusion doesnt necessarily follow from the facts that she uses.
Reason seven: Not all whites think of themselves as white is a fact used to prove further conclusions. What is white is in no way defined. So asserting that not all whites think of themselves as white is also undefined.
I am kind of confused with your fourth reason when you state that you do not struggle with class and race distinctions. Maybe to clear this up you can say that she loses some of her credibility in your eyes by making the assumption that everyone has these struggles. Or else it just sort of sounds like you are stating something that doesn't particularly attribute to your thesis.
DeleteOn your fourth reason, you should put her audiences not yours because this essay is meant for female academia. It can be easily can be proved.
DeleteZach,
DeleteYou may have to many reasons and I am afraid that you will loose your audience by having so many reasons. Also, you may go over 1200 words because you are covering so much.
Thank you both for the observations on my fourth argument. I had not considered that her generalizations only apply to her audience and since I am not her audience I can't use myself as an example of that not being true. Honestly that was going to be a common thread in my paper. She says everybody struggles with race identity, I don't therefore not everybody does. This would have been a mistake that y'all just saved me from. so thanks. Dana, I have so many reasons because I knew that some would tank as I attempted to prove them. As that fourth one just did. Most if not all of these seven will change or be removed before the final draft.
DeleteI think that reasons five through seven are your strongest reasons, but you will have to find another way to disprove her ethos. This Bridge Called My Back is not just about class, but about race, sexuality and gender as well, and the fact that it is a scholarly anthology speaks very highly to Anzaldua's ethos. In fact, that alone would be enough to convince many other female scholars that she is credible. Good start, though.
DeleteThesis: In Gloria Anzaldua's "Beyond Traditional Notions of Identity" she adequately utilizes her own experiences in order to persuade her audience that is is essential to tear down the barrier of racial segregation.
ReplyDeleteReason one: Her use of her own experience allows Gloria to connect with the audiences emotional appeals.
Reason two: Her use of stories allow her to tap into ethos by telling of the important and respected people she has worked with.
Reason three: Her first person experience gives her audience a sense of trust in her since she has first hand encounters with the racial struggles in her life.
Your thesis and reasons show a lot of promise. I would suggest that you switch around your reasons. Putting them in the order of 3-1-2 would show better logic in formatting. The wording of the reasons needs improvement as well. Emotional appeals are what the writer uses to persuade the audience; they are not something that belongs to the audience, as your reason one would imply. I think as you begin to try and prove your reasons, your language will likely change, however.
DeleteGloria Anzaldua’s “Beyond Traditional Notions of Identity” uses her personal experiences to effectively convince her audience that society would benefit from overcoming racial barriers.
ReplyDeleteReason 1- She uses her experiences on emotional topics to connect with readers so they might feel more passionate about what she has to say.
Reason 2- Anzaldua uses her background as a successful writer and a woman who has experience with identity barriers to give herself authority on the matter (ethos).
Reason 3- In her narrative pieces, she puts the reader in her place within the story, using “you” rather than “I”, so the reader can more easily connect with the text on a personal level.
Reason 4- She makes the idea of mestiza consciousness applicable to all races rather than just a select few.
Good thoughts so far. I would suggest that you combine reasons one and three, since they are so similar. I am interested to see how you will connect reason four to the thesis; I suggest you make your analysis in that paragraph is especially strong.
DeleteAnzaldua's use of emotional appeals and narratives were effective in conveying her message of overcoming identity barriers.
ReplyDeleteReason 1- Anzaldua uses her stories and proves that she has been in situations where racial issues are a problem.
Reason 2- She puts you in her shoes during her stories so you can imagine what she felt or what she experienced.
Reason 3- Because she puts you in her shoes, you can feel what she is feeling and helps you understand the problems even if you haven't experienced these issues.
Reason 4- Her narratives tie back into her point which is an inventive way of helping you acknowledge the problems.
You have the beginnings of a strong paper, but I would suggest that you combine reasons two and three, and make sure that you put the ideas back into first or third person (with reason four, too). I would also suggest that for reason number one you stay away from "proves." Think about the fact that she is stating an experience, rather than proving anything. "Inventive" also gets tricky, because to prove "inventive," you would need a myriad of non-inventive text to compare and contrast with the Anzaldua piece, and inventive is also a subjective notion. You should keep the intent behind reason four and reword it into something you can support.
DeletePerfect, thank you for the feedback. I will make sure I work on these things!
DeleteBy trying to invite the reader to share her experiences, Gloria Anzaldua might not be able to reinforce her idea of moving beyond the notion of identity.
ReplyDeleteShe uses her ideas well in her essay and uses her past writings to help reinforce her essay.
Her use of her own experiences in how she was treated at a women’s intellectual conference.
The use of an experience completely alien to most people i.e. living through a deadly illness.
I'm confused by how your first two reasons might relate back to your thesis. It sounds like your thesis is saying that you didn't think her essay was very effective, but the first reason that you listed implies that it was effective because you say she uses her ideas well. The second reason could go either way, so I was a little thrown off by it. Maybe you can re-word it a little to state how it would support your thesis more clearly.
DeleteI agree with Loni. Reasons one and two contradict the thesis. Reason three presents a logical fallacy of "most people." Remember that you are referring to her audience (female academics), and that--at the very least--they know what it is like to be human and female. "Completely alien" means that you know her audience could not relate to her stories, and I don't see how you would be able to prove that. What is is about her experience, in your mind, that would turn off her audience? Answer that question, and you will have the proof for your thesis.
DeleteAnzaldua Gloria, personal experience of breaking down barriers threw diffusion does not apply to all races, sex, or ideology.
ReplyDelete1. Her target audience was educated females.
2. Personal experiences relate only to her life and not to others
3. Cultures and religion are major factors to most people and ethnicity.
4. Racism affects all and not just a simple group of sex or race.
I was a bit confused by your thesis. I'm not totally sure what you were meaning. Did you mean her experiences are not applicable to all races? Or overcoming identity barriers don't work for all races? That needs to be a bit more clear I believe.
DeleteReason four is also a bit difficult to prove. In her article, she doesn't mention one specific barrier she wants to break through, she would like to break all barriers. A bit of fine tuning would be beneficial for both you and the audience. You have a nice concept, just needs a little cleaning up.
I, too, was confused by the thesis. The wording needs improvement, and more detail, in order for your main claim to be supportable. The reasons would also need a good deal of solid support and analysis to connect the audience back to your thesis. I am also not sure how you could prove number two, since you do not have a way of knowing whether or not her audience could relate to her personal experience. "Others," "only," "most people," and "all" are logical fallacies, and not provable, even if you had research to support your claims. Make sure you can prove all of your claims, both major and minor, with the Anzaldua text.
DeleteIn “Beyond Traditional Notions of Identity,” Gloria Anzaldua uses her personal experiences to persuade her audience to eliminate segregation between the different races and genders.
ReplyDeleteReason 1: Anzaldua tells her audience stories that relates to the message she wants to convey.
Reason 2: Anzaldua wants to eliminate color and gender from the eyes of women and men.
Reason 3: Anzaldua experience with racial discrimination allows her audience to emotionally connect with her.
I feel like you should explain in depth what she's connecting with on reason#3 other then that I think you have a good lead on your writing.
DeleteMarissa,
DeleteThank you for your feedback. I will go more in depth with reason #3.
You have a good start! Make sure that you have solid analysis for reason one, as you are trying to prove two different ideas. I would also suggest that you move reason two to the beginning, for a logical format, and that you make sure it somehow relates to the rhetorical appeals. How does she express this desire? Marissa already addressed #3.
DeleteMs. Taylor,
DeleteThank you for your feedback. I moved reason #2 to reason #1 and it makes better more sense in my paper. Thank you.
By expressing her personal experiences, Anzaldua effectively shows that identity barriers inhibit progress.
ReplyDeleteReason 1: Anzaldua discusses her experience with gender discrimination.
Reason 2: Gloria Anzaldua illustrates her past experience with racial segregation.
Reason 3: Anzaldua describes her experience with being discriminated against because of her sexuality.
you need to explain the why each reason was effective. other then that you got it down pretty well.
DeleteReason #3 is going to have only a small amount of support, so you might want to beef up your claim. Make sure you specify that #1 is with other women, and #2 is for herself. I think, however, that you will probably naturally change (improve) your reasons as you try to prove them, because of the evidence actually available from the text.
DeleteThesis: Gloria Anzaldúa’s logical reasoning was inadequate in arguing for equality among women, and was overshadowed by emotional appeals.
ReplyDeleteReason one: Her thesis was a strong absolute sentence that could be easily disproven with a single example in contradiction of that statement.
Reason two: She also based the majority of her arguments off that statement, so once it’s disproven they all become void.
Reason three: The logical use of “you” and “I” were fallacies used to appeal to pathos, and aided in the corruption of her main points.
Reason four: The majority of her logical reasoning stemmed from emotional appeals, and lost a lot of legitimacy because of this.
Remember that pathos (appeal to emotion) is not a fallacy, and that--because of her ethos--her use of "you" and "I" would likely be effective for her audience. Remember that you are not only talking to her audience, but you are keeping them in mind when you discuss her effective use of language and ideas. I do not think that you would be able to adequately prove the thesis or the reasons with the text. What was it about how she expressed her ideas concerning breaking down barriers and building bridges that you think her audience would find objectionable? Answer that question, and you will find a stronger thesis and better support for your claim.
DeleteThesis: Anzaldua uses her [personal experience] and diction to [convey] to her audience the importance of altering their cultural-perception to overcome identity barriers.
ReplyDeleteReason 1: Anzaldua establishes credibility through her writing accomplishments.
Reason 2: Anzaldua uses her personal experience to illustrate the hardships she has overcome
Reason 3: Anzaldua weaves spanish terms into her essay to display her writing skills by combining two different languages
Reason 4: Anzaldua uses the word "you" to extend an invitation to the audience to share her experiences
Reason 5: Anzaldua uses descriptive word choices to create imagery to evoke different emotions within her audience
I would still suggest that you only discuss her use of language in your essay, because it will narrow down your reasons and give you a simple argument to prove. In the case of academic writing, simple is better, and you have some nice, solid ideas in reasons 3-5 to support an argument about "diction." (Side note: I would suggest that you also consider changing the word "diction." Remember that she used her own word choice to impress and sway her audience, which means you should try to do the same.)
DeleteThesis: In "Beyond notions of identity," Anzaldua uses her personal experiences to effectively persuade her audience to overcome racial barriers.
ReplyDeleteReason 1: Anzaldua wants to stop referring to colored women as colored women she wants all women to be just identified as women.
Reason 2: Anzaldua uses her personal experience on racial discrimination.
Reason 3: Anzaldua expresses what she experienced through gender discrimination.
As they stand, your claims are too easy to prove, or too broad, as in number two, and you would not provide very strong support for your thesis with these claims. Reason one would also need some extraordinarily spiffy support and analysis in order to make it relate back to the thesis. What is it about her personal experiences that make her essay so effective for her specific audience? Why do you think that she used personal experience rather than any other method? The answer to that question should provide more thoughtful reasons.
DeleteThesis: Anzaldua likely uses the word you when speaking about her personal experience in order to make her audience feel connected and agree with her views on an emotional level. Her credibility from her accomplishments also allows her to convey her perspective on inclusive identity.
ReplyDeleteReason 1: Anzaldua tries to connect to her audience on an emotional level by say you instead of me.
Reason 2: Anzaldua has a story about attending an academic feminist conference, which gives her ethos, especially for what he thesis is.
Reason 3: In the stories about the earthquake and the one where she gets diagnosed with a disease she shows how passionate she is about her writing, which could also show how passionate she is about the thesis of her paper.
Good start! Just a few suggests: it is more logical to discuss her ethos first, because she could not build that emotional connection without establishing that ethos. You would want to put it first in both the thesis and the reasons. Also, do you think there is a better example of her ethos? See my response to Zach. If you use the feminist conference as the sole example of credibility, it will not prove your thesis. You might also develop reason one into two paragraphs, and take out reason three. You could use reason three differently, too. "Agree with her views on an emotional level" is awkward. Read aloud and revise accordingly.
DeleteIn certain area of the text, Anzaldua ineffectively conveys her understanding of racial identity by her lack of organizations and misuse of inductive reasoning.
ReplyDeleteReason 1. Anzaldua used the term “you” at the middle of her essay.
Reason 2. Anzaldua story did not flow right.
Reason 3. Anzaldua use of inductive reasoning her away from her audience.
I see how reasons 2 and 3 relate to your thesis, but I'm confused as to how the term "you" relates to her organization or inductive reasoning. How does the term "you" effect her organization or inductive reasoning? Is it because by using the term "you" it's hard for the audience to understand that she is talking about her own experiences?
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DeleteI can see where you are going, but I suggest you make your reasons stronger. I have a feeling that when you go to prove your reasons they will naturally change. Allow that change to happen. If you are trying to prove her lack of organization, you will need to make sure your paper's organization is really impressive, otherwise you will kill your credibility. Rachel asks a very good question: does her use of second-person refer to her lack of organization or her misuse of inductive reasoning? If it is the latter, then how? Why? The flow and use of the second-person are fairly easy to prove, but inductive reasoning is still logic, so you will have to prove--beyond a doubt--that her inductive reasoning is flawed.
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